


Eight by Three by Infinity

by theparadoxic



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Developing Relationship, M/M, Romance, and so will the tension between them wooo wooo, hence ratings might change so there you go, idk how to spell ryan's wife's name, ryan's one kid whom i'm unsure whether or not i ridiculously named and should apologize for, tags will mount up as we go on, tw: hints that may lead to infidelity (but nothing so exclusively/absolutely technical tbh)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-08
Updated: 2014-06-26
Packaged: 2018-02-03 21:52:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1757893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theparadoxic/pseuds/theparadoxic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Barbara decided to return to Canada, she arranged for a friend called Gavin to take her babysitting job at the Haywood's. It was quite a fair setup - Ryan and his wife able to work their respective shifts, and Gavin saving some money for university - until Gavin started to think it might not just be the kids he was going to the house for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Magnets and Stupid Genetics

**Author's Note:**

> for melissa / 091291@tumblr. thank you for the inhumane barraging of freewood fic prompts. (not really.)

Taking care of two kids was never an easy task, regardless of the collected effort Ryan and his wife constantly exerted. Working 8-hour jobs including shifts still left some room for their children to roam around unsupervised, and it did not help that Barbara, their babysitter, was going back to Canada.

Ryan was not sure what to say when Barbara suggested a guy merely above 20 to take her place. And as much as he wanted to set his worries aside, restlessness clung onto him like second skin when the said babysitter first stepped into his house. Upon the cheery introduction from Gavin, Ryan had a feeling he was going to keep an eye out at home more than necessary. There wasn’t any time to look for a different one, though. At least he trusted Barbara to be a good judge of character – Ryan could set aside his predilections for the time being.

“My wife’s a vet and has the work shift of a zombie, so you’re going to have to make dinner for the kids – at this point I just want to assume you can cook.” Ryan smiled at Gavin, easing the condescension a bit. Gavin looked at him with pursed lips, one that said he wasn’t at all the most skilled person to navigate around a kitchen. “Judging by that face, I can tell you’re going to read the cookbooks a lot. Just don’t set our roof on fire; there isn’t much we demand aside from that, to be honest.” 

Witty, Gavin briefly thought. He took note of everything Ryan told him, did his best to bite his tongue on instances he wanted to comment inappropriately – and succeeded, thank heavens. At least he wanted to set a good first impression, if not more than any reason to make the Haywoods trust him for a prolonged period of time. 

“It’s $8 an hour, 3 hours a day. Your weekends are absolutely off-limits.” Ryan halted his footsteps on the flight of stairs, a nearly inaudible creak at the way he turned to Gavin behind him. “Well, unless there’s some kind of emergency we need to tend to, you know.” Gavin bit his tongue again at the thought of something that involved Ryan and his wife. That really wasn’t the time, and he appreciated that Ryan walked him around the 2nd floor faster than his thoughts could elaborate the speculation.

The house was rather average but quaint enough to not leave a bad taste in Gavin’s mouth. Ryan turned the knob to a room at the end of the hall, “The kids are aged 8 and 5, Eli and Beta won’t resume school until after 8 weeks so you might be here a while.”

“That’s alright, Mr Haywood. I’m on summer break right now, no need to worry.”

“Perfect then!” Gavin felt a hand on his shoulder, heavy yet oddly comforting. Before he can take full note however, the screaming from the other side of the door echoed, and Ryan opened it to 2 running kids shouting what seemed like imitations of Captain Hook and Smee in the middle of a ruckus.

“Eli,” the tone of Ryan’s voice was somehow deep and threatening, but only enough to call the attention of the said kid. “Stop making your sister act like a shark.”

Eli, whom Gavin noted was like a photocopy of his father – minus the eyes, which were not as blue, probably got it from his mother – slumped his shoulders and pouted, “But daddy, today is Pirates Day! I was a shark last time, it’s Beta’s turn! She promised!”

“I don’t want to be a shark!” The little girl called Beta, who had a darker shade of brown hair, ran over to Ryan’s side. “I don’t want to be a shark, daddy!”

Gavin watched in fascination, once again trying his best to not remark on anything, seeing that he wasn’t even introduced to the children yet.

Ryan sighed, a smirk hanging off the side of his lips as he carried the girl against his chest. “Did you promise you’ll be a shark?”

Beta didn’t answer, only burying her face deeper against Ryan’s neck.

Eli noticed the tan and lanky stranger behind his father, and was about to ask who he was when soft sobs from his sister filled the walls of the room.

“Shh,” Ryan soothed her back up and down with a gentle palm. “It’s okay, darling. Now Eli,” his little boy snapped attention, “tell your sister it’s okay if she doesn’t want to be a shark anymore.”

“But daddy…”

“Eli.”

Eli heaved a sigh and looked away, yet no words really came out of his mouth. Beta has ceased crying but the arms she wrapped around her daddy’s neck were nothing less than possessive. And then Eli suddenly spoke up, barely over a whisper, “You can be human again.”

Ryan smiled. “Good boy, Eli.”

“But I still want to play Pirates, daddy!”

Ryan sighed for the nth time and turned to his daughter. He soothed her a bit before settling her on the bed, “Darling, daddy met someone who can play Pirates with you and Eli.” At the corner of his sight Ryan saw his son’s head turn to him. Ryan lightly pinched his daughter’s chin before walking over to Gavin, who has been standing close to the door for what seemed like eons ago. He landed a hand against the flat of Gavin’s back and smiled, “This is Uncle Gavin, he’s going to be your shark from now on.”

“I, uh—” Gavin, a bit baffled but not completely overwhelmed, curiously looked at Ryan before turning to the kids. “Hi, I’m Uncle Gavin the Shark!”

Eli and Beta both looked at him, curious as to how much exactly can they trust that Gavin will play the part well. Ryan sensed this; he gathered Eli from the other side of the room and sat him beside Beta. Gavin walked forward to where they were huddled upon seeing Ryan signal him forth. With a gentle smile Ryan explained again, “While mommy and daddy are working, Uncle Gavin here will play with you.”

Gavin smiled and suddenly grew amiable upon seeing Ryan’s kids up-close. Adorable. “Aw, look at you little dolly birds. You ready to play?”

Beta smiled upon hearing his accent, utter fascination painting her features. Then she suddenly giggled, “You have a funny voice!”

“You have a weird voice.” Eli simultaneously frowned, crossed his arms and looked at Gavin suspiciously.

“Uncle Gavin is from a different country.” Ryan explained. “Let’s play nice, okay?”

Eli continued to blankly look at Gavin, “He sounds like Harry Potter.”

Gavin was a bit disconcerted. He could tell Eli was going to hate him, if the way the kid’s eyebrows met were any indication. A faint clearing of throat however and he continued with a smile, “You like Harry Potter, Eli?”

When the little boy did not respond, Beta leaned over and whispered, “He likes Hermione.”

“Does he really?” Gavin softened and when Eli nodded defensively, he moved closer to dishevel the head of sandy hair. Eli did not look happy but Gavin thought it was better to receive no positive reaction than have the boy flinch away from him. “Well, if you want, we can watch Harry Potter after we play Pirates.”

Beta chimed in rather excitedly, “Can we have cookies?”

Ryan was about to recite his little speech about how unhealthy pastries are after dinner, but when he heard Gavin playfully whisper, “Your mum and dad will hide the cookies but you two are really good pirates, so we’re going on a little treasure hunt to take it away from them. Sound good?” 

In an instant Beta’s eyes went wide, pupils dilating at the babysitter’s offer. She hunched her shoulders and curved into what seemed like a ball before giggling in affirmation. Gavin felt a tug at his chest at the sight but he noticed that Eli hasn’t shown any sign of hospitality, still. “Chap?” 

Eli only looked at him, his arms barely even crossed at that point. Ryan anticipated what his son was going to say, having known that Eli was going through a phase where he did not like his masculinity challenged around the house. It was only natural for a father to work around that, and Eli was disciplined accordingly, but with a new male species added to the mix Ryan was nothing but cautious as to how his son was going to cope.

It was when Eli turned away while saying, “As long as I get to be captain,” did Ryan know that it’s all somehow going to work out. And when Gavin replied with a firm, “Aye, aye, sir!” Ryan figured there really wasn’t much to worry about with Gavin babysitting his children. His initial anxiety doesn’t look like it was going to cling right back to him for the time being.

Needless to say it turned out to be a (mostly) good arrangement. Ryan’s shift was 10 am – 7 pm while his wife had to be at the clinic before 5 o’clock in the afternoon; Gavin has been of much help, and Ryan had no choice but to overlook some chaotic playtime ideas the babysitter came up with rather frequently, because in actuality Gavin was doing them more good than harm. Well. Alright, maybe save for that one time when he almost burned the living room down after playing Fox Hunters. (“We’ve set the trees on fire! Now we’ll be able to find the fox!” echoed before a loud, “Uncle Gavin, the couch is burning! It’s on fire!” which was followed by a combination of panic from Gavin, screams from Beta and laughter from Eli.) 

At 6 o’clock on a Monday Gavin decided to cook toad-in-a-hole after Eli and Beta had a heated dispute on whether or not the English food actually existed. Gavin backed them away from each other when Eli looked like he was about to rip off his sister’s hair. He wasn’t a very good cook, in all honesty, but these were kids anyway, not a banquet; although he was aware that Eli will be merciless if the food tastes like shit, which was beside the point.

It took a while to prepare the table along with the food, since this time Beta wasn’t willing to help him set it all up. Gavin had to put DVDs of Elmo on the television to keep Beta distracted. The little quarrel with Eli seemed to have turned her entire mood sour.

“Dolly bird,” Gavin learned Beta responded to him quickly when called pet names, “you hungry? Dinner’s ready.” A smile crept along Gavin’s lips upon hearing her almost instantaneously run towards the dining table. While Gavin was cutting her some sausages he noticed Eli was nowhere in sight. “Where’s your brother?”

Beta only shrugged, too concentrated on her food to actually say anything.

“Okay, I’ll uh… I’ll just get him then, stay here.” A gentle pat on her crown, “And what did Uncle Gavin say about eating meat?”

The little girl looked up at him this time and started speaking with a mouth full of half-chewed food, “Don’t choke!”

“Good girl!” Gavin pinched her cheek before storming off to the 2nd floor. “Eli? Where are you, chap?” When he reached the room to his door he stopped, horrified. He could hear something familiar, sounds which was all too familiar to him when he was also approaching puberty. There were grunts. And what seemed like violent scratching. And an almost inaudible string of moans. 

Gavin definitely knew what Eli was doing in his room.

He was about to walk away and leave the boy alone, for he felt like he has been standing there far too long, when out of nowhere he heard Beta shout from behind, “Why are you just standing in front of his door?” It was so loud, accompanied by a light push from the girl, that Gavin was sure Eli heard it. And it seemed like he really did because the next second, Eli’s door flung open and he was right in front of Gavin, frowning so hard he looked like he was going to distort his own face any second.

“H-hey, chap. Dinner’s ready, you hungry?” Gavin didn’t know why he was so nervous. But Eli looked like he was going to kill someone, and it did not help that Eli looked exactly like his father. To his relief though, Eli only shoved past him, almost knocking Beta over as well. The very heavy footsteps going down the stairs were enough to let Gavin know that it’s going to be much, much more difficult to deal with Eli from then on. 

And for the first time in his life, Gavin was upset that his expectations came to life.

It wasn’t easy playing anything with the kids anymore. Gavin tried to pretend he didn’t know what Eli did by acting normal, but he figured with a father as smart as Ryan, Eli wasn’t an easy kid to trick. Playtime has been compromised a lot over the course of one week, and by the end of that Friday Eli was completely and utterly ignoring him. 

To what seemed like a perfect coincidence, Ryan came home barely after 5:00 pm that same day, and immediately he knew something was up. He noticed the unusual tension in the house the moment he walked in, seeing that Beta was completely quiet with her show, and that Eli didn’t play the usual game of bothering his father before even getting past the front door.

“Gavin?”

“Mr Haywood?” Gavin turned to the clock and raised an eyebrow at the older man, “Home early?”

“I am,” Ryan walked past him and over to his daughter, kissing her crown in greeting. There was hardly an acknowledgment. “Where’s Eli?”

“Uh, he’s in his room.” Gavin felt himself grow nervous. They did not mention the little ‘incident’ to Ryan nor did Gavin even consider doing so. To be fair, he didn’t expect that Eli would prolong the issue anyway, but what could Gavin do? He was a young boy once, he would be lying if he said he didn’t know Eli would’ve had been unpleasant after being found touching himself. “Probably asleep, you know.” He started to gather his things instead, put them in his backpack before Ryan noticed the unnecessary haste.

“You look like you have plans tonight.”

“Well,” Gavin slung one strap over his shoulder. As much as he tried to come up with a good excuse, there was nothing but the truth spilling from his lips, “I just figured you won’t need me anymore.”

With a raised eyebrow Ryan casually said, “I don’t remember saying that. Besides, you don’t get off until 7:30, do you?”

There was nothing else Gavin could do but put his bag back down and murmur a rather incomprehensible apology. He looked up to see Ryan just staring at him, the turning gears in his head almost transparent. “Mr Haywood?” 

“If you don’t mind me saying this,” Ryan briefly turned to Beta, just making sure the kid was distracted, “I know why you’ve been uneasy. You caught Eli the other day, haven’t you?” As Gavin was about to reply, Ryan cut him off with a leveled hand, “It’s fine, Gavin. I’m not mad at you or anything. It just concerns me that Eli’s behavior is threatening; the other day he asked me to fire you.” 

Gavin recoiled, unable to have seen that one coming, “F-fire me?” Was it that bad of a thing to cost him his part-time job? University wasn’t going to be cheap; a temporary summer job was definitely helping Gavin’s future finances more than he thought it would. “I absolutely did not mean to do that, Mr Haywood, I was—” 

“Wait, I’m not finished yet.” And then there was an amused smile on Ryan’s face. “I’m not upset about this, frankly I can’t say this is unusual – you might say the same thing yourself – but I’m genuinely concerned that Eli is hostile towards you. That’s not exactly a thing to be so calm about,” and then he stepped a little closer to Gavin. A hand on Gavin’s shoulder plus a reassuring smile and he continued, “He’s just going through a phase right now. And Eli doesn’t show it, Gavin, but I’m pretty sure he’s fond of you. And if you’re good to my kids, even going as far as making my stubborn son grounded then that’s enough; I hear nothing from Beta but happy – albeit ridiculous – stories, so I suggest this thing with Eli be forgotten.” 

“Mr Haywood…” What seemed like a thorn has been pulled out from Gavin’s throat. “I think so, too. I really do.” 

“I’ve already talked to him but he needs more than what I have to say about the situation.” Ryan was grinning by then. He gently patted Gavin’s shoulder but said nothing any further. He assumed, even though he had barely any basis, that Gavin knew the situation better. The implication was clear, and flat-out ordering him would be a little bit too much so Ryan only said, “I’ll go ahead and prepare dinner.”

“Thank you, Mr Haywood.” There was a faint smile on Gavin’s pursed lips as he went on ahead and vanished up the stairs.

The lingering sight Ryan had on Gavin went unnoticed as he pulled out some vegetables from the crisper. He scoffed ever so lightly, shaking his head at how ridiculous the situation was. Truth to be told he was the least bit concerned about it though. There was confidence in him that Eli was more a rational boy than a spoiled one, and weird enough, once again without any premises to support it, Ryan believed Gavin had an ability to sway around such conflicts. There was just that kind of reassuring aura emanating from the babysitter, he thought. 

A few minutes into cooking chicken wings Ryan heard two male voices laughing from the room above the kitchen. He stopped midway and looked over at Beta with a soft, “Darling, you wanna help daddy set up the table?” 

Without any apprehension the little girl got up from the couch and ran to her father. Ryan handed her some utensils to distribute evenly around the table. She was in the middle of setting down spoons when she began singing, “One for Eli, one for me, one for daddy!” Unbeknownst to the little girl, Ryan was listening intently while busy on the stove. And when Beta finally said, “And this is for Uncle Gavvy,” Ryan shook his head, a low chuckle escaping his lips.

“Dad, is dinner ready yet?” Eli asked out of nowhere, just in time when his father had turned the fire off. “I’m hungry.”

“Take your seat, daddy cooked some chicken.” He smiled as Eli obliged, sat beside his sister, but with haste he said, “You too, Gavin.”

The grip on his backpack loosened as Gavin met gazes with Ryan, “Thank you, Mr Haywood but I really should get going.”

“Nonsense, nonsense.” In a split second Ryan removed his apron and walked over to the babysitter, an arm weaved over and round Gavin’s shoulder, “I insist. It would be disrespectful to decline the hospitality of those who pay you, wouldn’t it?”

There escaped a chuckle from Gavin’s lips. He could hardly decline, what with the firm grip Ryan had on him and the way Ryan laughed with him as they walked over to the dinner table. “Mr Haywood—” Gavin hadn’t realized how close Ryan’s face was when he turned to look at the older man. His eyes widened upon seeing how truly blue Ryan’s eyes were – Gavin’s pretty sure he hasn’t seen a pair so icy before.

Ryan smiled, cocked a curious eyebrow, but his grip on Gavin’s shoulder did not loosen up. “Is there a problem?”

“I…” Why was his throat growing dry all of a sudden? Gavin shuffled and removed himself from Ryan’s hold, “I really should go.”

It would’ve been irrefutable, especially since Ryan didn’t want to scare Gavin, but the look of doubt and uncertainty (and what looked like embarrassment) only triggered Ryan to go the other way, “You wouldn’t want to leave while the kids are eating, would you?”

Gavin turned to look at Eli and Beta, who were looking at him expectantly by then. Eli swallowed before saying, “Uncle Gav, sit beside me.” And then the kid smiled at him – a real smile after so many days, and honestly, how was Gavin supposed to say ‘no’ to that? 

“Alright, alright. You got me.” 

It was a particularly quiet dinner but the way Eli and Gavin have been amiable the entire night was definitely a thing Ryan did not miss. He must admit, he hasn’t seen Eli happy in quite some time, considering the arrangements Ryan and his wife had to deal with recently. 

“Thank you so much for the wonderful meal, Mr Haywood.” Gavin chirped while clearing the table. He placed the last plate on the sink and tried to make Ryan move, but with the difference in size Gavin wasn’t really counting on it. “Uh, let me clean this up for you, as thanks.”

“Don’t.” Ryan sternly said, meeting Gavin’s eyes with a softness the latter did not expect. “You don’t have to, you’re a guest tonight, remember?” 

The laughter that threatened to spill was difficult for Gavin to hold, but he figured there wasn’t anything humorous about the situation. He did his best to stop goofing around, “No, really, let me.” 

“You’re. A. Guest.” Ryan turned to the clock, pleased upon seeing Gavin’s defeated sigh when the babysitter noted it was already past his shift. 

“Well…” When Ryan started soaping up the dishes, Gavin knew it was a cue for him to leave the vicinity. But he didn’t. There was something in him – about the situation – that made him stay where he was. There must have been some adhesive under his shoes because he tried to move away from Ryan but he couldn’t. It was almost as if Ryan was a magnet and he was a helpless little pin. A clearing of his suddenly dry throat and he murmured against the silence, “Thank you again.” 

Ryan turned to him, “You’re welcome, Gavin.” 

“You have some nice kids, Mr Haywood.” Gavin longingly looked at the kids, busy solving a jigsaw puzzle that they started earlier that week – Eli actually cared now that he and Gavin set their differences aside. “Really nice. Beta is a lovely little girl, always a ball of sunshine, helping with the chores without having to be told. Saves me a lot of time, that’s for sure.” 

“Got it from her mother, I presume. Resourceful, both of them.” There was a grin on Ryan’s face as he ran water over the cleansed plates. “Is Eli not a headache more than usual? You know, I kind of assume he’s gotten a lot of his traits from his father.” He finished with a chuckle. He observed Gavin from his peripheral vision; the babysitter was watching him with an amused face.

“Is that so? Maybe Eli did inherit them from you.”

“Them?” Ryan laughed a little bit. He wiped his hands clean with a cloth and questioned Gavin with an eyebrow. “Care to expound that?”

“Well, I didn’t mean it in a bad way, of course.” Gavin replied in the middle of some chuckles.

Ryan echoed the happy sounds Gavin were making, “I wouldn’t know unless you tell me.”

There was a wall that crumbled and melted between them all of a sudden. So much so that Gavin found it much easier to talk to Ryan rather than carefully watch himself all the time. “For one, Eli’s stubborn. Always insisting on what he wants no matter what it takes; constantly argues with me on everything. And I do mean _everything_.”

There was a light scoff from the older man. He did not feel offended but he must admit, he’s never heard something like that since he last saw his mother. He looked at Gavin before fetching a couple of cans of beer from the fridge. “Go on.” He said coolly as he handed the other can to Gavin. A challenging look on his eyes was glued to Gavin’s surprised ones. One sip from his beer and Gavin was still silent. “Is that all? Eli and I are both just stubborn?”

Gavin shrugged, calmed himself by taking a swig of his own can. His eyes were still locked with Ryan’s, green on blue. “Maybe.”

“Alright, fair enough.”

“Eli will grow up a handsome man, though.” For the first time, Gavin left Ryan speechless. But then he realized what he said and quickly he cleared his throat, settling his can of beer on the kitchen sink. “I, uh, thank you for the dinner. I’ll go ahead, Mr Haywood. Good night.” The words were almost a string of mere hushes, quick and incomprehensible in hindsight. But none of that mattered – the only thing that mattered was that Gavin managed to leave before Ryan could say anything in relation to his statement.

On his walk to the bus stop Gavin mulled over what he said. Did Ryan get a hint? Probably; he was too sharp not to. Gavin shook his head and tried to forget about it. A mere slip-up, right? That’s what it all was. He must’ve become a lightweight, messing up after barely one intake of beer.

But what seemed to be a small compliment quickly turned into Gavin’s Kryptonite.

Ryan started coming home earlier than usual, said he had some paperwork to finish in his home office. Gavin, of course, did not question him. He stayed away from the man’s private matters; he was being paid to be concerned about the kids, and only the kids.

It was difficult however, so difficult to not notice when Ryan would smile at him upon meeting gazes. How Ryan’s features imprinted themselves in Gavin’s mind whenever the father laughed with his children. It was pretty ridiculous, Gavin thought, how he’s suddenly so very much aware of Ryan and every little thing he does. When Ryan walked over to him and whispered about hiding some of the kids’ toys for a treasure hunt, Gavin swore to god he almost wanted to faint instead of maintain contact – the way Ryan’s breath brushed the shell of his earlobe somehow made Gavin run to the toilet faster than the speed of light.

It was stupid. Very stupid. And unfair. The man was married, committed, never – not even once – without the wedding band. So many times Gavin said it was all just in his head, his imagination taking advantage of the situation because it simply can afford to, because the wife was almost always not around. But that was exactly the problem, and Gavin didn’t want to start any trouble.

So he stopped investing time being so conscious.

And it worked for a while – he managed to stop trying to figure it all out and he managed to stop putting layers of meanings into small things that meant nothing on a daily basis. Gavin actually succeeded; he blocked it all out and started acting normal again, got his act together, especially with only 2 weeks before going back to university, he really needed to be in the least sense 'sane'.

That was until Barbara sent him a text: “You like Mr Haywood?!”

Gavin felt something block the airways of his chest at the message. Defensively he typed up a reply, “The man’s bloody married. Don’t start with me, Barb!”

“Okay. First: That didn’t answer the question. Second: I’m not implying you should steal him from his wife. There’s a big difference.” Gavin did not even get to send her an answer when Barbara followed with, “Your defensiveness spells a lot about your crush on him, Gavin.”

Gavin wished it was possible to send Barbara a straight-faced emoticon as straight as his real life expression. “Don’t start this, Barb. Don’t.”

“I think you forgot about the fact that you’re the one who started asking stuff about him, and kept texting me whenever a strand of his hair was out of place. You’re like, in high school or something.”

It took all of Gavin’s strength to not reply something stupid to his friend. Sighing heavily he put his phone down, closed his eyes and tried to block it all out.

But when the front door opened and Ryan greeted him with a cheerful, “Hi Gavin,” he couldn’t rule out the possibility that maybe – just maybe – he really did have a small crush on the man.

Just a tiny little bit of a crush.

It shouldn't be that big of a deal, should it?


	2. Cut Through It With A Knife

Admiring Ryan wouldn’t be much of an issue now, would it? Gavin figured he wasn’t the first babysitter to notice how attractive and kind and smart the man is – yeah, that’s it. Gavin simply noticed, and he liked his observation, and now he has a crush on him.

Simple.

And yet, everything still seemed so very complicated.

The thing was Gavin couldn’t stop liking him even when he knew it wasn’t the wisest decision, especially since it was a married man he was allowing himself to be distracted by. It was inconvenient to randomly think about him whenever he’s dealing with the children, like how he’d suddenly forget what he was doing with Beta because Ryan would casually walk over to grab a pencil – a bloody pencil – from the coffee table. The hypersensitivity over everything that reminded him of Ryan – every corner and every sound, every single time he looks at Eli, for god’s sake – was anything but helpful in his part-time job. It was one of those rare moments Gavin could not thank the heavens enough for drawing the start of school sooner than later. He couldn’t remember the last time he looked forward to going back to university; anything to rid him of his employer and the imminent trouble he will wind up in if Ryan’s wife grows suspicious, really.

“What are you taking up again? Cinematography, is it?” Ryan asks over another early dinner. He looked at Gavin for a second before going back to his steak.

Gavin had to down a quarter of his glass of water before he could manage to speak properly. Hopefully Ryan didn’t notice how uneasy he was. “Yes sir, in my final year now.”

At that Eli chimed in curiosity, turned to his father with his knife mid-air. “Did Uncle Gav just call you ‘sir’?”

“I was just about to say the same thing, Eli.” Ryan chuckled before turning to Gavin. “C’mon, do you really need to call me that? In front of the kids, too.”

It took every fiber in Gavin’s body to not choke at the way Ryan’s eyes maintained contact with his. After a moment Gavin eventually managed to tear his gaze away from the older man’s. He felt a sort of warmth crawl up his cheeks when he did, and then he mustered up his fakest laugh in-between the words, “Just being polite. Wouldn’t want to disrespect my employer.”

“Of course.” The older man dismissed.

It was one of those quietly comfortable dinners, like that first time Ryan came home early. What started as a mere coincidence bloomed into a habit however, as Ryan had dinner with the kids and Gavin for the entire week, to the point that the babysitter didn’t find it unusual anymore. In fact, on a Thursday when Ryan didn’t show up in time for a meal Gavin had to remember that that was how it’s supposed to be in the first place. But the following night when Ryan came home with Chinese take-out, Gavin couldn’t say it wasn’t all that unexpected either – it was a rather odd feeling, if Gavin were to be honest, having set up expectations and a comfort zone around Ryan and his kids. Never had he had such emotional attachment with a family he’s been of service before, and it was slightly bothering him.

On the same Friday night, Gavin couldn’t resist the urge to ask why Ryan’s schedule suddenly changed. Still working on important papers, was what he simply said. Gavin did not think much of it, stopped himself from coming up with delusions, but whenever Ryan was within at least 5 feet away from where he stood he’d lose focus and start fidgeting. Later that night he even swore there was cold sweat running down his spine at the sight of Ryan merely passing by their directon, and it was the most ridiculous thing, that even Beta lost her patience with him.

“Uncle Gavin! You put it in the wrong place again!” Beta threw a handful of jigsaw pieces on Gavin’s face. She crossed her arms and huffed out a frustrated breath.

“I’m sorry, love.” Gavin was caught in-between amusement and disconcertion. With a sigh Gavin smiled, came up with an excuse instead, “Uncle Gav’s just been tired.”

“Are you tired of us?” Eli piped out without looking at either of them, busy with the Space Encyclopedia his dad brought him that night.

“No, no. That’s ridiculous, of course not.” He dismissed quickly and reached out to ruffle Eli’s hair. Gavin felt Beta’s arms suddenly wrapped around his neck, possessive and endearing – mostly endearing. Gavin was running a reassuring hand up and down the little girl’s back when a deep voice from behind him suddenly echoed.

“Gavin,” the tone was stern but not overtly intimidating, “can I talk to you for a second?”

He turned to look at Ryan and was about to reply an affirmative when he felt his breath hitch in his throat at the sight of the older man in glasses, a couple inches thick of paper keeping him busy during the silence. Gavin inaudibly coughed, tried to get it together as he stood on wobbly legs. God damn it.

Ryan looked up from his documents, watched as Gavin sauntered over next to him. “Eli, why don’t you and Beta go brush your teeth and go to bed, hm?” Eli’s face was indifferent but he complied by closing his book and taking his sister’s hand. Both kids walked past them and headed up the stairs, Beta waving a ‘good night’ with a faint smile. “This way, Gavin,” he said simply as he walked down the hall, not looking behind him in confidence that Gavin would follow regardless.

And Gavin did follow. With uneasiness he did, reaching Ryan’s study room not a minute later. Gavin’s usually strong legs grew weaker and weaker the more he realized he and Ryan were alone. For the first time in nearly 2 months, it was the only time he and Ryan were confined in a closed room with nobody else. Gavin started shaking it out, tried to relax and stop overthinking, but when he looked up he was reminded of how unbelievably unfair Ryan looked with his glasses on. It also did not help that the man was the picture of maturity and success behind his desk, the big office chair painting a perfect fantasy of power that Gavin only saw in movies.

Ryan’s voice broke Gavin’s thoughts, “So.” He smiled, dropped his documents and looked his hands together. The glasses perched against his sharp nose slid a little bit. “Are the kids treating you well?”

The informality was something Gavin did not expect. “Oh, um.” He expected Ryan to discuss an important matter, not about how his day was. “They always do, Mr Haywood.”

“Ryan,” he corrected.

“Ryan.” The name rolled a good roll in his tongue. Gavin had to look at the stack of old newspaper in the corner to think more into it. He really needed to get some sleep; all that packing for London’s really been adding up to everything lately.

“You know,” Ryan started again, catching the younger’s attention. “I do realize it’s your final week next week. Don’t worry, I’ll get your check ready by then. It’s just been really hectic lately, I wouldn’t want you to slack off right before you leave.” Ryan kept talking, Gavin never asked. Gavin looked at him intently, studied his features and how they moved in the slightest fashion from the smallest stories Ryan told. He hadn’t realized how long he’s been staring until Ryan stopped midsentence a story about Eli and laughed, “Is there something on my face?”

“Oh, uh.” Gavin cleared his throat. Again. Like how he seemingly always needed to do in the presence of the older man. “Nothing.”

“You seem a little tense, Gavin. You okay?” Ryan leaned over his desk, arms against his flattened documents.

Gavin looked up, faked a smile. “I’m fine. Just fine.”

“Are you, though?” Ryan smirked. He kept his eyes on Gavin, just in time before he removed his glasses.

Truth be told, Gavin was a mile away from ‘fine’. Absolutely not fine with Ryan leaning forward like that, all eager to talk casually with him in a private space of his home. His wife away, the children asleep, nothing to hold them back. Of course, it was a circumstance Gavin assumed to be intended purely for the children’s sake; he expected Ryan to talk about how Gavin has been as a babysitter and how the children’s perception of him turned out after a couple of weeks. It was the only safe ground Ryan could bring up and talk about with Gavin anyway, so why wasn’t he doing as such?

To be fair, normally there wasn’t much of a layer of meaning into the situation. But somehow Gavin knew – no, Gavin felt the tension looming over the both of them right from the moment Ryan called him over with those stupid glasses on his face. It wasn’t that Gavin wished his delusions about Ryan’s intentions were true; far from it, if he were honest. He would brush it off when he could, despite how much everything lingered in his mind. There was nothing good about the situation, and yet, Gavin couldn’t get away from it all.

Gavin hadn’t realized that Ryan has been watching him for a minute or so. Without an assurance to his earlier question Ryan chose to stay quiet. He watched as Gavin swam into his own deep thoughts; he hadn’t any ill intent to bring him back to reality. It contented him to just somehow watch Gavin, observe him. The ticking of the clock however, told Ryan that it’s nearly 9 o’clock in the evening. “I don’t know if you could tell, Gavin,” the said man looked up with wide and curious eyes, “but you’re already way past your shift. Don’t you have a party to go to? I mean, it’s Friday after all.”

Gavin didn’t want to tell Ryan he didn’t have anywhere to go to but back to his apartment where he had to pack the rest of his things. London was barely a week away. “It’s fine, I’ll have a few friends over but there’s still an hour until then.”

“Oh, I apologize for keeping you occupied then.”

A biting of his tongue and Gavin knew he saved himself when he didn’t say it was more than okay to have him there.

Ryan put his glasses back on and took a couple of documents back in his hand. His eyes were skimming over some details as he spoke, “I actually wanted to talk to you about the kids. My wife, Laurie, needs to go to Florida next week and I have to be there with her for a couple of days.”

“Do you need me to watch over them for a while?”

Ryan looked up and removed his glasses. “Yes, please. If that’s possible.”

“No problem, Mr Haywood. I’ll just have to give up my life for a week, not that I had a lot to begin with.” The sarcasm was obvious and for a second Gavin thought twice about whether or not Ryan would take offense in that. Gavin laughed anyway.

Despite himself, Ryan laughed as well. “Good to know.”

They both loosened up. Thank god. “No problem.”

“But no, seriously, this is kind of important for my wife and me. You’ll be doing us a huge favor; I appreciate that. Laurie won’t be back anytime soon but I’ll probably be back before Thursday next week.” Ryan leaned over and looked at Gavin again. He’s never noticed how light his hair actually was, now that he was close enough to observe him. “Sound okay?”

“Top.” Gavin looked up at him, taken aback at the close proximity. Why Ryan had no conception of proper personal space was beyond him. And he wasn’t the most comfortable with it; as if he needed more reasons to notice the tension between them.

“Oh, and another thing.”

“Yeah?”

Ryan then smiled, thin lips curved in the most delicate way Gavin has ever seen. His eyes dilated as he spoke, “You really don’t want to call me by my first name, or…”

“Oh. Sorry.” There was a smile along Gavin’s lips. He suppressed it but he complied anyway, “Ryan.”

“Better.” Ryan leaned back against his chair but did not, not even for one second, blink away from Gavin.

The thing that tore their gazes away from each other was the opening of the door. Gavin quickly got up from his chair upon seeing Ryan’s wife, a neutral expression on her face as her eyes moved from her husband to the babysitter. “Good evening, Mrs Haywood.” Shocking how his voice didn’t crack upon looking at her.

“Good evening, Gavin.” She smiled faintly. “Mind if I borrow Mr Haywood here for a minute?”

“Most definitely not, ma’am. I was just about to leave.” Gavin tried to not show how obviously nervous he suddenly got. He could feel himself fidgeting, almost shrinking at the scrutinizing gaze both Haywoods shot him. And then he bid, “Have a good night,” without looking back.

Monday came faster than Gavin expected. Given, he spent a lot of his time drinking over the weekend, making little to no progress on packing for London. What he did manage to pack his things for was his little retreat over at the Haywood’s, a bunch of clothes jammed inside his backpack, some essentials and his portable console, among others. Eli and Beta were surprisingly complacent when their parents left; Gavin expected a lot of wailing from Beta and a lot of questions from Eli. None of them came however, both children embracing and kissing their parents goodbye, followed by some minutes spent on exchanging reminders. (“Always wear a condom when you have sex!” Eli blatantly announced in their front yard, earning a mixture of reactions from his mother, father, sister and babysitter.)

When Gavin thought it was all said and done, and that Thursday would be sooner than later, Beta suddenly expressed the void of attention the next day. She wouldn’t leave Gavin alone, even crying whenever Gavin wouldn’t let her in the bathroom with him. There was room for compromise, Gavin thought, so he worked around it and cuddled with her as much as he possibly could.

Eli was eating cereal as they watched a movie on Wednesday night, when he said, “Uncle Gavin, are you really going back to London?” Gavin had almost forgotten he told Eli about it on that day they made up. He was cheap enough to use the London card for Eli to forgive him.

Beta snapped up to look at Gavin, a pout already on her lips even before Gavin spoke. He kissed her crown to calm her down, expecting a hissy fit once she finds out, “I am. Next week.”

“Next week?” Beta broke away from Gavin’s hold. She was glaring at him from across the sofa. Eli was looking over his shoulder, watching them as his sister continued, “When are you coming back?”

Although he refused to believe it, Gavin knew what was happening, why the little girl was growing clingy. The last thing he needed was Beta being upset with him before he leaves. He was about to throw in a white lie when Eli said, “He’s never coming back, Beta. Uncle Gav is leaving. Forever.” Eli’s eyes widened in both mockery and disdain, his cereal suddenly forgotten.

“Oh god.” Gavin groaned and reached out to Beta when she began to pull a sad face. “Come over here, love. Come on.” Beta was resisting but he pulled her close against him anyway, hushed her when she began sobbing against his shirt. “Uncle Gavvy has to go to school.” To his surprise, Eli came up to them and actually squeezed himself against Gavin’s other side. Gavin felt strings tug at his heart, a warm feeling overwhelming him out of nowhere. “I promise to visit you, alright?”

“You promise?” Fingers gently wiping away tears, Beta looked up.

Gavin smiled, “I promise.” He rubbed her cheek before hugging her again.

“You have to talk to us when you’re there.” Eli grabbed his father’s iPad from the coffee table. Lighting it up, he tapped on Skype and readied his fingers for typing. Gavin didn’t get the hint though, so Eli turned to him and demanded, “Uncle Gavin? Your username?”

Gavin laughed, unable to revel in the fact that 8-year olds are perfectly capable of using advanced technology nowadays. Then again, Gavin thought as he typed, Eli’s father was a bright man. There was really no need to be surprised in the first place.

“Uncle Gav, you have to call us at least once a week. Saturday because Beta and I don’t have to go to school and—”

“Why don’t you have to go to school?” All of a sudden, Ryan came through the front door. Eli and Beta automatically ran forward to the open arms of their father, a very tight embrace that lasted for at least 20 seconds. “Daddy missed both of you.”

Eli smiled, “How was Florida?”

“Good, good. How have you been without me?”

“Okay.” Eli shrugged. He noticed there was only one bag sitting by the door. “Where’s mom?”

Ryan ruffled his son’s hair. “She’s still in Florida. Mom’s not gonna be back until next week.”

Beta was yawning in the middle of her question, “But why, daddy?”

“Mommy has some things to take care of back home.” He kissed her cheek. “Why don’t we get you two upstairs, hm?”

Gavin simply sat there, watched the scenario unfold in front of him. There was a very heavy weight in his chest that he couldn’t seem to pinpoint. Ryan looked at him and smiled in greeting, aware that they have not acknowledged each other yet, before gesturing that he’s going to tuck both the kids to bed. Gavin only nodded. It was already late, 10:37 pm, and Gavin knew there was no reason for him to stay. He was free to go. Ryan was back, and the arrangement was that he only had to stay until [one of] the parents return. He could go without even telling Ryan about it.

But he didn’t. He sat there, waited for the man to come back down. There were sounds coming from the television but Gavin could hear nothing; he could only look at the bare, cream wall across where he sat. Too many thoughts interweaved in his head and he could feel it beginning to hurt, until he heard heavy footsteps coming from behind him.

“I thought you’d left already.” Ryan walked over and sat at the far end of the sofa. He watched as Gavin smiled, albeit sadly, and then asked, “You alright, Gavin?”

Gavin let out an audible sigh. “Mr Hayw – Ryan.” He looked up, finally had enough strength to look at Ryan in the eyes. “Ryan, I’m leaving for London this Friday.” There was something about the way Ryan’s face faltered that told Gavin this was a bad idea. He should not have said it in a way that it seemed like a big deal. He should have just casually announced it instead of make it sound like he’s about to be hanged in a few days. Because now, with their gazes just locked in with each other and not a word audible between them, Gavin was as sure as he’s never been that it was more than his imagination.

There definitely was something heavy between them.

And Gavin didn’t know when it first happened but in the utmost silence it was visible just how uneasy Ryan was. It should have been assuring on normal occasions, to see any hint of reciprocation, but Gavin knew it was a bad place to be in. Ryan has a family and a wife, and as long as that remained a fact, nothing about the situation was okay. Not even with the way Ryan moved closer to where he sat, cocked his head to the side but maintained eye contact, “The kids are going to miss you. You know that, right?”

It was difficult to respond with an underlying and suggestive implication in Ryan’s tone, that much Gavin could tell. But he nodded, and then with a squeak he said, “I’m going to visit when I can, I already told them. And Eli has me on Skype.” Being nonchalant wasn’t his specialty but the least he could do was try. Gavin could at least try and pretend this wasn’t making him feel all sorts of different things, from his head to his heart and even down to his groin.

There were a lot of unsaid things that lingered between them. Gavin didn’t like it. He didn’t like it because it was inappropriate. And it was disrespectful for the family that pays him. Despite everything, Gavin knew. Even Ryan knew. There was something that should have been said before Gavin stood up and thanked Ryan; there was something there when Ryan said he can choose to not see the kids before his flight, or the way Ryan did not even wish him well on his way outside the door.

All that Ryan said before he completely exited was, “I… We’ll miss you, Gavin.”

Gavin knew.

Ryan knew.

But Gavin chose to ignore it. It was for the best that he did.

Once back in London, he began to focus on the things in front of him. The curriculum was hell for his semester, even his schedule was unbearable. His first week back wasn’t all that bad. Tiring, mostly because he had to move and unpack a bunch of things while having to attend some useless orientations in the morning.

So when Saturday came he almost did not want to go on Skype. But he remembered how Beta would have cried and how Eli would have sworn him to some gods if he bailed out on them. Gavin was exhausted, he really was, but he opened his laptop anyway and logged on to his account. It didn’t take even 2 minutes until Eli was requesting for a video call.

There were screams and shouts at the other line, both Beta and Eli waving frantically at the camera. “Uncle Gavin! We miss you, Uncle Gavvy!”

It’s like all the stress effortlessly slipped out of Gavin’s system. Just seeing the kids smile at him, eager to talk to him even if he knew they were just going to talk about how much they hate school and end up quarreling until it slips their mind that Gavin was there – it was surprisingly a wonderful feeling to have both of them so excited by just the mere presence of their babysitter.

“I miss you too.” Gavin could only say.

He listened to Beta talk about kindergarten, and to Eli talk about science class. In the middle of it all they constantly made funny faces to each other, and 30 minutes in Gavin was completely rid of his need for rest. Until Ryan walked by, another stack of papers in his hand, a colorful apron wrapped around his waist.

“H-how’s your dad?” Gavin segued while Eli and Beta were busy arguing over the new jigsaw puzzle their dad bought them.

“He’s okay.” Eli shrugged.

“He’s sad.” Beta simultaneously answered.

Neither of them looked up at Gavin, continued to unbox the puzzle pieces from the packaging. Gavin didn’t want to seem obvious, he’s pushed the feelings far enough down his throat for it to crawl back just upon seeing the man on a small portion of the video call.

But yet again, Gavin could not hold his tongue. “Why is your father sad?”

At the question, Eli looked up. His face was straight, suddenly serious. He looked at his sister, gently covered Beta’s ears with his hands and whispered towards the webcam, “Uncle Gavin, mom and dad broke up.”


	3. Walls

Gavin couldn’t concentrate.

It was difficult to pay attention to professors when the thoughts of Ryan’s divorce left footprints in his mind. Gavin would look up and carefully digest the writings on the whiteboard, but every single attempt ended the same: “Any transition between two sequences or scenes could be referred to as a lap-dissolve, in which one day Ryan came back from Florida without his wife and—” Every single time he would shake himself out of it and avoid devoting time for elaboration of the topic, and every single time he would fail. Every. Single. Time.

While printing out a paper he realized something; he skimmed his eyes over the words and saw that he had written ‘James Ryan Haywood’ as his name on the top portion. “Bugger my ass,” he hissed as he crumpled the paper and violently threw it to his nearest trash bin. It was due in less than 30 minutes, and he had roughly 15 minutes to walk from his dormitory to the building at the other end of the campus. There was simply no time but he couldn’t submit his report under a different name either. Needless to say, Gavin had to run after his professor and nearly beg for him to take his paper – the deductions he could deal with later.

During his oral report, he prepared pop quizzes to pitch in after every other topic. As he asked for the types of camera shots some few minutes in, a boy at the back of the classroom raised his hands, Gavin taking note of the sandy hair and milky complexion. There was a moment of silence and an exchange of curious looks when Gavin accidently called him ‘Ryan’. It took at least three more quizzes for Gavin to rid of the pink tint on his cheeks.

It was getting out of hand, to say the least. The fact that he Skyped with Eli and Beta every week made matters worse as well. They would talk about the usual things, how school went and how much they all missed each other. But every time Ryan would pass by the video capture, Gavin would feel his breath hitch and then it just goes downhill from there.

“Why are you being so weird, Uncle Gavin?” Eli snapped one time.

“What?” Gavin quickly turned his gaze away from Ryan’s silhouette at the far right of the frame.

Eli just heaved out a frustrated breath at that. “Nothing.”

It went on for a few weeks, the way Gavin couldn’t stop thinking about Ryan, about the divorce and about the fact that there were no remaining reasons for anything between them to not happen. Gavin knew it was a little bit of a stretch, to take it there even before the poor man recovered from the split, but despite the fact that Gavin buried the possibilities at the back of his head, he still couldn’t really ignore them either.

As if he himself wasn’t enough a reason to go insane, Barbara just had to send him a text: “So Gavin, I heard Mr Haywood is in the market again. What are your thoughts on that?” Gavin couldn’t delete the message quickly enough. He really didn’t want to focus on that topic and if possible, he would at all costs avoid anything that reminded him of how available Ryan is.

So that one Saturday that the kids fell asleep on Skype and Ryan took over the call, Gavin had to muster every ounce of self-control to not drop the line.

Not because he didn’t want to see Ryan again – god no – rather he feared he might choke and screw it up.

That thought was not completely lost by the time Ryan waved at him, “Hey, Gavin. How are you?” There was a smile on his face that made Gavin want to hurl on the side and throw up.

“H-hi, Mr Haywood.” Gavin faked a wave back. Ryan smiled. No, really, Gavin wanted to throw up. It’s been so long since he’s actually seen Ryan and yet the face on his monitor seemed so very familiar, like he’s been looking at it every day, and not an hour has passed since their little farewell in Ryan’s living room.

Ryan snapped him out of the flashbacks, “I told you to call me by my first name.”

“I know but—”

“I’m not your employer anymore.”

Gavin shrugged, tried to nonchalantly let the tension roll off his shoulders. “Alright, Ryan.”

“Good.” Ryan eased and backed away to rest against his office chair. “So, how’s London?”

At that, Gavin completely relaxed. He expected Ryan to be a bit more chummy after what happened, but seeing that it might have just been all in his head, Gavin decided to let the conversation flow. “Rainy. And Georgia?”

“Ah, you know. Southern-y.”

And just like that, the conversation slipped into an incredibly easy one. Gavin mentally laughed at how worried he was – righteously so, in retrospect – because Ryan managed to seamlessly relax him, as usual. It was always the same scenario, Gavin reckoned: him always so anxious at the beginning but Ryan always proving to him there’s nothing to be so worried about; Ryan always made Gavin realize that every worry was ridiculous, and indeed, Gavin did think it was ridiculous. _He_ was being ridiculous.

The conversation between them kept going. With more than just a few weeks’ worth of stories, it wasn’t long until the both of them realized it’s been 3 hours since they started talking. Gavin had barely a couple hours of sleep left to take and he knew the time difference was immense between where they both lived. This ended with Ryan apologizing profusely and saying, “I’ll make it up to you next time, I promise.” Gavin had to pretend it didn’t get him thinking but by the time they logged off Skype, Gavin didn’t stop the smile on his face upon Ryan’s proposal for a ‘next time’.

It wasn’t long until ‘next time’ happened. Only 7 hours and 34 minutes, to be exact.

Gavin was on his way to his last period when he received a text from some unknown digits: “Gavin, I checked my weather app today and it said London’s gonna experience some thunderstorms in the afternoon. I hope you have an umbrella with you, I wouldn’t want to have to go all the way to the nearest FedEx and have one delivered at your doorstep.”

He noticed that the number began with a different country code so he only typed in a, “Uh. Thanks. Who’s this again?” He checked the time and hastened his pace, afraid that he might be tardy again. The professor already warned him because of that lousy paperwork deadline from last time, he couldn’t risk another penalty.

And he had to stop grinning like an idiot when the reply came in, “Ryan. Or Mr Haywood, as you call me.”

He smiled. It was a lie and Gavin knew it, but he went on ahead with a teasing reply. “No, you can’t be Ryan. I don’t believe you.”

“Oh? How about you log on to Skype later and I’ll straighten up your suspicions.”

Gavin had to stop responding for a while because he really needed to focus on not failing his classes. But he couldn’t stop being happy and he was too giddy on his way back to the dorm, and he tried to calm down when he logged on to Skype. As expected, Eli’s account was online, and then a little message popped up some seconds later, “Gavin, you’re in trouble.”

When Gavin answered the video call, Ryan was already beaming at him. It’s all Gavin could do to tone the excitement down, “What can I do for you, Mr Haywood?”

“Shut up. I sent you that text. And just so you know, I almost went to FedEx after you stopped responding.”

“You should have, Ryan. I didn’t have an umbrella and it did storm today, just to let you know.”

Ryan was about to reply when Eli and Beta came running in, screaming and suffocating their father. “Kids— We have a guest—”

“Uncle Gavin!” Both Eli and Beta yelled in unison. They’ve gotten so hyper that Ryan had to stand from his chair and give the seat to his kids. “We miss you, Uncle Gavin!”

“Yeah, we miss you, Uncle Gavin.” Ryan pitched in.

Gavin tried to not blush.

“Are you going to visit us soon?” Eli started.

Gavin already had some plans on break. He didn’t know how to say it to the kids. “I—”

Beta cut him off. “You promised!”

“Well,” Gavin scratched the back of his head in defeat. “Maybe I can drop by on a weekend or something.”

Ryan didn’t show it, let the kids do all the celebration for him, but he was more than happy to have heard that. He stayed on the side however, just watched as Gavin and the kids caught up with each other. In all honesty, Ryan wanted to send Eli and Beta to bed simply because he was selfish like that, because he wanted it to be his turn to talk to Gavin, but at the same time he didn’t have the heart to tear them apart from each other. It’s been a rare occurrence for his kids to laugh as loud and have as much fun in their house ever since Gavin left, especially since it was followed by the divorce. So Ryan let them talk for a couple of minutes. He knew Beta was going to be sleepy sooner or later, and they’d leave for bed with just a few minutes to spare with Gavin.

It wasn’t long until Ryan’s prediction came true. When the kids started yawning in front of the camera, Ryan notified Gavin, “Wait here, I’ll just get these angels to their beds.”

“Okay.” Gavin nonchalantly said. After 5 minutes, Ryan came back with a bottle of beer in his hand.

“So,” Ryan began. “Where were we?”

“How did you even get my mobile number?”

Ryan shrugged, answered it like it was the most logical thing in the world, “Barbara.”

God damn it, Barbara.

Ryan noticed Gavin’s unenthusiastic expression. “Do you mind that I got it from her? I’m sorry, I wasn’t really—”

“No, no. It’s fine!” Gavin quickly responded. “Just didn’t think you’d be the type to text, is all.”

“Gavin,” Ryan scoffed, “I’m not an 80-year old man to not know how to use a cellphone.”

“Ryan! That wasn’t what I meant!” The tone of Gavin’s voice rose two octaves higher but there was a grin painted on his face.

“Relax.” Ryan laughed at the sudden outburst. “I know what you meant.”

When Ryan took another swig of his beer, Gavin noticed it. He finally noticed that Ryan was without a wedding band in his left hand. His throat suddenly felt as rough as sandpaper.

Gavin liked Ryan. A lot. The younger man already knew this way before he even heard of the divorce. But Gavin also was fairly aware of how wrong it would be to entertain the feelings; he himself wasn’t a fan of infidelity, if he were to say it out loud. Now however, seeing that Ryan was already a single man, he was more than free to make advances and be blatant with his interests. But there was something that stopped him, still. There were some questions at the back of his mind that he couldn’t articulate just yet, and it was both frustrating and relieving at the same time. Gavin didn’t even understand how that could be possible an emotion to feel.

“Gavin? You don’t look so good. Do you need to rest? ‘Cause I can let you go if you have to sleep or something.”

“What? Uh, no.” Gavin waved his arms aimlessly, “I’m sorry. I just—” He almost made a stupid decision of telling Ryan about his dilemma. “I, um, have to book a flight to Georgia soon, I guess.”

“When are you dropping by? Should I prepare grits for you?” Ryan joked, sipped some more beer.

“Let me see,” Gavin looked at his planner and noticed that the closest plausible time was the following week. That and the weekend after. “Would next week be alright?”

Ryan replied an affirmative, and they went into a little debate of whether or not Gavin should stay in the house instead of paying for lodging somewhere around the city. And Ryan had to warn Gavin of not attempting to help on any of the chores, to which Gavin whined and demanded reasons as to why he shouldn’t do as such.

Gavin quickly realized that Eli indeed got his stubbornness from Ryan. It wasn’t at all a surprise that he and Ryan did not agree on a number of things. This was easily observable at how Ryan would question his text messages on a daily basis, how Ryan was always emanating skepticism on Gavin’s cinematic knowledge. When Gavin discovered that Ryan was scientifically-inclined, he went to lengths just so he could infuriate Ryan about his questions on technology. It was amusing for them both, considered it healthy to disagree on some stuff. It was never a full-blown argument too, and they usually ended the day with a few light insults, some laughs and a thread of stupid pictures – sometimes pictures of Eli and Beta, which Gavin appreciated the most.

It was all fun and games, with Gavin’s conscience toning down at the fact that he could spend a lot of time talking to Ryan, who was no longer committed to another person. But while reading a script for one of his classes, the thing about Ryan that bothered him finally dawned upon his senses: Ryan never told him about the divorce.

And yet, Ryan hasn’t exactly been very subtle with his intentions either. Nothing about the divorce was explained to Gavin, not directly from Ryan. Not from that one person whom Gavin needed most to hear it from.

Technically, that could have been counted as infidelity, couldn’t it? Ryan flirting without making it known that he no longer was with his wife; after all, Gavin only found out from other people, and without them he would have walked straight into unlawful grounds. Would he still have reciprocated Ryan’s advances then?

Gavin shook his head, his mind starting to hurt at the train of thoughts. As much as possible he would refuse to believe that Ryan intended for this to happen; Gavin didn’t want to nip at the edge of another cliff without hearing the entire story just yet. That wasn’t to say that it wasn’t excruciating to think about, nor was it possible for him to not think – not with Ryan always eager to take some time off and converse with him.

The older man continued to send him text messages every day. Rarely, Gavin would reply with one-liners. He minimized the interaction to give himself even just the slightest reasons to wiggle out of the remaining guilt. Gavin didn’t expect the detour, to say the least. He didn’t expect this last piece of the puzzle to bother him, and with less than 3 days before flying to Georgia, too.

“Gavin, are you avoiding me?” Ryan messaged him on Wednesday night. Gavin did not reply. After an hour, there was another text, “You _are_ avoiding me. Can I at least know why?”

Gavin heaved out a sigh and finally, with so much at risk he typed, “This is probably a question you wouldn’t want to answer and you really don’t have to, but I just want to know: Why did you and Laurie break up?”

This time, it was Ryan who didn’t respond. After half an hour, with Gavin unable to take the suspense, he decided it would be best to just shut his phone off altogether. He was about to do just that when Ryan finally sent an answer: “I probably should have told you earlier. I think I know why you’ve been avoiding me but can we talk about this face-to-face? Is a few days’ wait okay with you, Gavin?”

It wasn’t. And it didn’t help at all that he had to wait. What Ryan said did not help Gavin feel better about the situation. If anything, it made him feel worse. There were a number of things that bothered him in addition, now that he brought the subject up, some of which included the possibility that he might’ve been unconsciously involved in the decision between Ryan and his wife. Gavin could have been one of the reasons as to why Eli and Beta have to deal with a broken family. No, no, no. Why couldn’t he have at least waited to fly to Georgia before this mess unfolded? God, he was stupid. Gavin was stupid and he knew it. And he knew he shouldn’t have, he really should have just kept his mouth shut and waited until Saturday but... “I like you, Ryan. I really do. But this thing with your wife is driving me mad.”

Gavin threw his phone on the bed, suddenly itching to cancel his flight. Barbara was right, he was acting like he was still in high school. He couldn’t do this. All the strength and excitement inside him, every single nerve drained its adrenaline at the thought of seeing Ryan again. If it weren’t for Eli and Beta, Gavin really would never have bothered going back to America for one bloody night anyway.

His phone vibrated after a minute and Gavin swallowed rather audibly upon seeing Ryan’s reply: “Please don’t think about canceling your flight this weekend. I want to talk to you, Gavin. Give me a chance to explain everything.”

Gavin has never had the roughest two nights’ sleep, and he had to drink two cans of Red Bull on his way to the airport. Even in the plane he was unable to settle; the bags under his eyes had bags underneath them, for Pete’s sake. After some hours (he didn’t bother counting, he wasn’t in the right state of mind to keep track) Gavin finally got a cab and recited Ryan’s address. He felt his legs shake by the mere action of walking down Ryan’s front lawn. There was a hint of bile rising up Gavin’s throat and he was about to call the cab back, drive him to the airport, until he heard Eli and Beta shouting from the inside of the house. The only two people in the world Gavin would never want to miss out on.

So he rang the doorbell with an unstable finger and cleared his throat.

“Gavin, hey,” Ryan stiffly greeted upon seeing him, “come in, please.” Ryan was not the picture of hospitality that night, he himself rather racked around Gavin’s presence.

Dinner was mostly quiet, save for the kids being too zealous because of Gavin. Apart from that, Ryan and Gavin hadn’t really spoken a word to each other. Gavin didn’t offer to help him with the dishes, like Ryan wished; instead, Gavin encouraged the kids to play something up in their room, disappearing all too quietly from Ryan’s sight.

Ryan didn’t mind waiting for Gavin. He didn’t mind waiting until Gavin was comfortable enough to talk, even if that meant he had to wait all night until the younger man had to somehow use any facilities downstairs. He didn’t bring anything up from the moment Gavin arrived because he knew he didn’t have to. The way he and Gavin couldn’t brush past each other without some electricity in-between was enough to tell Ryan that Gavin still wanted to continue their previous conversation.

When the noise from the kids’ room finally died and Gavin somehow changed into some comfortable clothes, Ryan was immediately on his feet. He’d been staring at the television for who knows how long, not really understanding what the program was about. “Gavin, do you have a minute?” Ryan asked without looking at Gavin directly in the eyes.

“Yeah.” If it weren’t for the fact that the house was completely quiet, Ryan wouldn’t have heard that.

The walk to Ryan’s office felt like 500 meters long. When they got inside, Ryan didn’t sit behind his nice desk. No, he offered an open palm to Gavin instead. Gavin only looked at it. Ryan sighed, “Please.”

There were sparks that seemed to electrocute Gavin upon taking Ryan’s hand in his. He ignored it for the meantime. Ryan led him to the long couch at the other side of the room, a reasonable amount of space resting between them.

“Gavin.” Ryan began gently. Gavin didn't bulge. “Gavin.” He repeated with a little more conviction, this time successfully getting Gavin to look at him. They locked eyes for a few seconds before Ryan let out an inaudible breath, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, I probably should have even before I started... you know, flirting with you.” He felt Gavin’s hand about to withdraw but Ryan didn’t allow it. He tugged it and held him a little bit tighter. “You make me happy, Gavin.”

Gavin felt the heat that crept up his cheeks at the words. He turned his gaze away from Ryan but he kept listening to what the man had to say.

“I like you a lot. And I must admit, I started liking you even before Laurie and I signed our papers.” Ryan took in a sharp breath, suddenly very nervous. “But you have to believe me when I say that you are not the reason we broke up.”

It was difficult for Gavin to hear everything, so difficult to keep himself together and not run out the door. For Ryan to admit that there was something mutual between them during the time Gavin wished otherwise, Gavin was quite surprised how he could still sit next to Ryan at that point.

“Gavin?” Ryan shook his head, lifted his free hand to gently turn Gavin’s face towards him. “Gavin, please believe me. You had nothing to do with our divorce.”

“But you just said, Ryan—” Again, Gavin tried to take his hand away from Ryan’s hold. He failed. “You just said you liked me while you were still married, I can’t take something like that.”

There were a few beats of silence between them. Gavin and Ryan stared at each other for that duration, until Ryan collected himself and continued, “Laurie and I, we hired you to take care of the kids not because we had shifts. We didn’t have any conflicts at work; we didn’t need Barbara until things started turning sour at home.”

Suddenly, Gavin’s attention was refreshed.

“Laurie, she found someone else. A while back she started seeing him, and we fought a lot, she didn’t—” It was Gavin’s turn to hold on to Ryan when the latter started loosening his grip. “God. She and I fought a lot over it that she simply refused to come home after a while. The kids had a lot of questions, I didn’t have any answers. I just told them she was busy at the clinic, that we’re going to need a babysitter so we can talk about our divorce.”

Gavin didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to react to somebody so strong suddenly look so vulnerable, laying out the weakest cards of his life, in front of, well, a former babysitter.

Ryan steadied his breathing when he felt Gavin’s hand squeeze his, “All that time we paid you to watch over Eli and Beta, we used that time to see our lawyers and settle arrangements on the custody. Who gets to have who, who pays who, who explains what to them. They’re both so young, Gavin, I couldn’t just— Jesus.”

Gavin had a lot of other questions but with the state Ryan was in, he only asked one, “And that time you went to Florida?”

“We signed the divorce papers. Officially.” Ryan looked up at Gavin and faked a smile. “And she moved in with him. Said she’s going to settle there instead.”

It all clicked. When Ryan came back alone from his trip to Florida, when the kids asked what happened to their mother. Gavin couldn’t imagine how Ryan had to deal with their questions; he remembered how Eli was the first to deliver him the news, and then Gavin tried his best to figure out how the hell Ryan explained it to Eli and Beta all by himself. Gavin suddenly felt selfish – thinking about his own feelings and his own conflicts when oblivious to him, Ryan had to deal with so many other things. All by himself.

“Gavin.” Ryan began again, this time his tone was softer. “I really like you.”

Gavin pursed his lips in a thin line, unable to really let all the information sink in all at once.

Ryan seemed to notice because he simply squeezed Gavin’s hand again, patted his knee, “But you don’t have to get into this mess if it doesn’t make you comfortable. The least of what I want you to feel is that I’m using you to cover the void. Trust me, I know what it feels like to be the receiving end of infidelity, and I really don’t want you to feel the same. I tried my best to not get too close to you while I was still wearing my ring; it was the most difficult thing, to keep a reasonable distance, when all I wanted to do was tell you how much I liked you. But I couldn’t, that would be too counterproductive. I had to wait a long time, Gavin, a long time until I could finally, freely express how genuine my interest is towards you.”

“Ryan...” Gavin never thought of it that way. At the same time he really considered Ryan’s offer for some emotional space. It seemed like the most rational thing to do, to give everything some time to simmer, test out the waters before venturing through the trail. “Wait. You aren’t using me, are you?”

“No. God, no.” Ryan chuckled. “I honestly like you. You're so wonderful with my children, and you make me laugh so much, even though we argue over the stupidest things. I can’t get enough of you, Gavin.”

At that, Gavin didn't bother suppressing his smile. But he couldn’t say anything else. He didn’t know how to tell Ryan he didn’t want to push too quickly without losing him altogether.

“I’m not going to let you do this if you’re unsure, Gavin.” Ryan finally let go of him. The loss of contact made him yearn for more. He stood, waited for Gavin to do the same.

“Okay.” Gavin simply said, mimicking Ryan's action. “Okay.”

Gavin walked out of the room without another word, a thousand thoughts meandering in his head.

In the morning, he had breakfast with the kids, Ryan cooking some pancakes while avoiding eye contact with him. Gavin did the same, pretending the conversation between them never took place.

The day passed by rather quickly, Gavin keeping himself busy with the things he had to put back into his one little suitcase. He hadn’t heard from Ryan at all, not an echo of teasing or a little side comment from his peripherals – Gavin didn’t want to admit it but he was kind of disappointed at the lack of eagerness from Ryan. The older man was more than serious about what he told Gavin the previous night, then.

It was bittersweet to embrace Eli and Beta before leaving the house. Gavin told Ryan he would just hail a cab to get to the airport because frankly, he didn’t need any more time with Ryan; he couldn’t risk opening more seams between their already delicate relationship. He tried to push everything at the back of his head, like how he usually did. And it was starting to irritate him; why did he have to push everything away, regardless of whether or not Ryan was married? Gavin hated himself for having the emotional competence of a peanut, but he really couldn’t risk turning into a madman before his flight back to London.

One thing Gavin didn’t push away though, was how it felt when he and Ryan had the faintest jolt upon skin contact; to have Ryan’s fingers fit perfectly against his, like the countless jigsaw puzzles he used to solve with the kids. The way Ryan longingly looked at him when he got into the taxi earlier that day, and how Ryan smiled ever so affectionately when he waved ‘goodbye’ – how Ryan even managed to smile in the first place, despite what happened. Gavin couldn’t help but appreciate that. And suddenly, after the things have all been said and done, and all that’s left were the lingering emotions of how Ryan acted around him, Gavin was certain he wanted it to work out between them. So just before the passengers settled down, he quickly fished his phone out and sent a text, “Ryan, I'm going to book another flight back to you next week.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally done! Feels a bit short, though? The original plot was only 3 chapters long, although I'm gonna have to see whether or not I'll post a 'resolution' epilogue - you know, that part where they finally settle the physical tension between them. YEAH, THAT STUFF, YOU PERVERTS. We'll see if I can afford to write some more. Anyway, thank you very much for tuning in to this! I really appreciate all the kudos and the comments despite the fact that I hardly acknowledge them. They always brighten up my day, and yeah, I kinda feel my self-esteem climb out the drain whenever I see the statistics for this story. Thank you again and cheers!


	4. Tensions and Resolutions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin finally booked a flight to Georgia. And Ryan finally stopped waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue. Some kinks included because of Sam (as usual) but nothing too drastic.
> 
> Now you can all calm down with the death threats, yeah? Please and thank you.
> 
> (No, seriously, thank you. For the immense support and all. I appreciate it.)

“Gavin?”

“Yeah?”

“Why don’t you come over and babysit?”

“It’s Tuesday. Aren’t the kids in school?”

“I didn’t say anything about the kids needing your attention.”

It was a feat for Gavin to not wring the nearest classmate because of Ryan’s reply. He kept to himself; squirmed in his seat while his professor’s back was turned, busy discussing something about the coverage of their final exam.

They’ve been exchanging stupidly cute and rather obnoxious text messages ever since Gavin’s plane touched London. When he told Ryan he was willing to book another flight back to Georgia, Ryan replied with nothing but a ridiculously toe-curling message, “Expect me at the airport with a banner for you.” Gavin asked if he was going to write an undying declaration of love for him, to which Ryan said, “Maybe. But I don’t want you fainting then and there so I’ll just keep it short.”

So much for testing the waters, Gavin thought.

Who was he kidding though? After everything has been clarified, Gavin realized the only way to test the waters was to, well, actually _be with_ Ryan. No point trying to figure out if it’ll work when they were a thousand miles apart from one another anyway, is there? That was exactly why Gavin immediately bought some plane tickets as soon as he got to his dormitory that night. When he was done, he took a screenshot and sent it to Ryan, giggling, along with a message that read: “I expect a marching band and a red carpet, also some grits because you promised me last time.”

It took Ryan less than a minute to get back to that: “Oh. You should really be careful of what you wish for, Gavin.”

It went on like that, just them teasing each other and occasionally patronizing – but that was rather unusual and had to involve the children to actually happen. Gavin still hardly got enough sleep, but his semester was nearing an end (exactly 2 days for his remaining finals, just in time to go back to Georgia) and it wasn’t like he couldn’t sleep. He just _wouldn’t_.

Gavin wouldn’t choose to sleep, not when Ryan, who lived in a place a few hours behind London, flooded him with text messages in the middle of the night. Most messages were discussions of stupid topics like toss coin probability and driving speed gradation, but Gavin really had no complaints because they usually ended with either one calling due to lack of patience.

That night wasn’t an exception.

“Gavin, stop saying you can drive at any speed in the freeway,” Ryan immediately bellowed when he answered the incoming call. “There are speed limits for a reason.”

There was irritation in Gavin’s voice yet at the same time he couldn’t stop smiling. He sat up and flattened his back against the headboard, knees folded up against his chest. “Yeah, but it’s a freeway, ain’t it?”

He heard Ryan chuckle, albeit still aggravated. “Do you even drive?”

“Well, no.”

“Exactly my point.” Before Gavin could retaliate, Ryan continued, “But I have a bigger concern at the moment: How are you not on your plane to Georgia yet?”

“Wow, somebody’s excited.” His remark was faster than the way his cheeks reddened but if only Ryan could see Gavin, there would be an endless string of teasing. Mostly from Ryan, with Gavin simply giggling like a helpless little high school student after he was noticed by his crush. Which was similar to their case, really, except they were a little overdue on the age bracket.

The smile on Ryan’s face was almost visible with the way he answered, “How can I not be? I mean, I can finally talk to you without any inhibitions, considering everything that’s happened over the past few months. You should be surprised if I weren’t eager to see you, Gavin, trust me.”

Gavin couldn’t muster a reply at that. He never took Ryan to be the fearlessly vocal type when it came to stuff like these. There was always something about Ryan that gave Gavin the impression the man was a tough shell to crack. Apparently not.

“Gavin, you fell asleep or what?”

“Uh, no. Still here, Ryan.” Gavin was still smiling from ear-to-ear, but he glanced at the clock and was reminded of the harsh reality he still lived in. “I really need to get some sleep though, it’s pretty late here.”

“Of course.” Always the receiver, Gavin thought. “Good night, Gavin.”

“’Night, Ryan.” A second passed and Gavin spoke again, “Ryan?”

“Yeah?”

There was a bit of hesitation in Gavin’s system but he went on ahead anyway, “Can’t wait to see you.” When the other line went quiet, Gavin knew he wasn’t the only one having a little trouble keeping his insides intact. It was after a low clearing of throat that Ryan responded with a hum, Gavin smiling quietly and finally bidding, “Good night, Ryan.”

“Good night, Gavin.” Ryan’s tone was soft, calm. “I can’t wait either.”

That was it. If Gavin didn’t hang up after hearing that, he was pretty sure the conversation was never going to end. God, they really acted like they’re in high school. That was the last thought Gavin had before finally, after what felt like hundreds of hours on end, finally going to sleep.

It was a mad dash for Gavin after that little exchange with Ryan. He hardly noticed what happened in university after the conversation; the exams were suddenly so easy, final requirements a piece of cake, even managing to arrange his clearance from the semester in less than half a day. And Gavin knew, he definitely knew it was because he wanted to get everything out of the way as soon as he possibly could; all because he was too excited to see Ryan again.

Which was why he couldn’t stop tossing and huffing on the plane to Georgia. Similar to last time, only the jitters were because he was happy, and not because he had some legal black hole affair to juggle with. This time, Gavin was unable to sit still because the only thoughts in his head were Ryan’s possible reactions once he suffocates him in the airport. Gavin went with ‘probably torn between murderous and ecstatic’, and then he grinned because he heard the pilot on the speakers say something about being only 10 minutes away from the landing strip.

What Gavin pictured to be a rather cheesy and annoying meeting at the airport was filled with an air of awkwardness. Not the kind that made people want to impose forced enjoyment upon them, rather the kind where both Ryan and Gavin didn’t know whether it would’ve been appropriate to have some sort of physical contact upon meeting each other again.

Ryan only scratched his nape when he saw the younger one, “Hi, Gavin.” There was a really goofy grin on his face and he knew it might have been weird for Gavin to see, but he really couldn’t do anything to stop it. Ryan was too much in a good mood to see Gavin again.

“Hey, Ryan.” Gavin cleared his throat, switched his weight from one leg to another. It wasn’t until Ryan offered to carry his luggage that Gavin nodded, followed him until they got into the car. The ride back to Ryan’s place was a little better thankfully, with Ryan asking a number of simple questions, mostly about how Gavin’s semester went and the quality of airport food he had that day. “I actually didn’t eat the plane food on my way here.”

“Why didn’t you? Were you sleeping when they passed the trays?” Ryan glanced at Gavin for a brief moment, just wanting to look at him, diffuse whatever tension remained between them both.

“Nah.” Gavin’s fingers started dancing with each other. “Just. No appetite, I guess.”

There was a slight panic in Ryan’s voice, “Are you sick?” He turned to the next corner in the neighborhood, nearing his house by the second.

“Not sick, Ryan. Just…” There was obvious caution in the way Gavin turned to Ryan. With a hushed tone he continued, “Too excited, maybe?”

Ryan smiled but he didn’t reply, didn’t even tear his eyes away from the road. With an almost inaudible tone, he whispered, “Good to hear.”

Gavin heard, smiled, but didn’t remark on it. Instead he watched as Ryan continued to drive, the air between them significantly bearable, and Gavin thanked the heavens for reaching Ryan’s garage sooner than he would’ve thought.

No words were still exchanged as they unloaded the vehicle. They walked quietly beside each other, the silence amiable, until they reached the front door and Ryan twisted his keys against the locks.

When Gavin’s expectations of being welcomed by the kids went unsatisfied, he turned to Ryan and asked while taking his coat off, “Ryan, where are the kids?”

Ryan’s eyes suddenly dilated. “With their mother in Florida.”

“Oh.” And then Gavin suddenly realized what was happening. “Well,” a clearing of his throat, “I didn’t see that one coming.”

“Gavin,” the tone of Ryan’s voice suddenly became threateningly low, his feet closing the distance between their bodies, “did you really think I didn’t think this through? That I’d let your attention be divided again?”

Gavin gulped, tried to stop the shit-eating grin forming along his lips, “Ryan—”

Ryan’s hands found purchase in Gavin’s own, their fingers seamlessly intertwining, palms flat against one another. “Don’t get me wrong, I know you love my children – the one thing we have in common – but,” then he leaned forward, looked at Gavin straight in the eyes, “I’d rather you focus on _us_ this time.”

There was no ounce of hesitation in Gavin to respond when Ryan finally pressed their lips together. It was chaste, sweet, and slow, Ryan humming contentedly as Gavin tilted his head, granting him more room to work with. Their bodies closed the space in-between, arms and limbs encircling each other in the right places. Gavin could practically taste the smile on Ryan’s lips, the way their breaths mingled saying every single thing they weren’t allowed to say after every circumstance they’d endured along the way.

They only broke apart to get some air but it didn’t take even a second for them to kiss again, their mouths almost inseparable for an entire couple of minutes. Ryan tightened his hold around Gavin’s waist, momentarily backing away to whisper hotly in his ear, “You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that – to know what you taste like, how it would feel to kiss the fuck out of your pretty mouth.”

Gavin looked at him curiously, face so very flushed and lips absolutely swollen. It was the first time he’s ever heard Ryan so crude, so intense with his words.

It was an absolute turn-on.

“Why don’t you kiss the fuck out of my pretty mouth again, then?” Gavin’s tone was devious after that, which made Ryan recoil for half a heartbeat, but nevertheless answered accordingly. When their mouths clashed the second time that night, it was all an open battle for dominance, with their breathing so heavy and loud.

Ryan heard Gavin let out a particularly heavy groan, followed by the swiping of a tongue, and he couldn’t help but push the younger one away. He moved to kiss Gavin’s cheek, tracing along his jaw and down to his neck. Gavin’s groans grew louder, and Ryan responded by biting his earlobe, “How about we take this to the bedroom, hm?” He moved back to focus on Gavin’s jaw again.

It was difficult for Gavin to let out a coherent reply, “Ngh, that— Yeah, let’s uh, just—”

But Ryan didn’t need to hear the rest. He led Gavin to his room as fast as he could, adrenaline pumping in his veins. At the violent slam of his door, he tugged Gavin by the wrist, pinned him against the wooden bearing and started kissing him again. Their tongues danced a heated fight, Ryan’s arms resting on either side of Gavin’s head. Ryan moved to suck on Gavin’s neck again, earning him a rather sharp intake of breath from the other.

“Ryan, fuck.” Gavin was a complete mess by the mere fact that Ryan was taking control. His hands rested on the dips of Ryan’s pelvis, pulling him as close as he possibly could. And then he let out a very loud moan upon feeling their erections brush against each other. “Oh my _god_.”

Ryan withdrew, looked him in the eyes with a menacing expression, “Did you see this one coming when you booked your flight to Georgia?” It was odd how he felt himself soften up, knowing he was so close to Gavin without anything to stop them, but at the same time something inside him burned with the desire to fuck the younger man until he couldn’t hop in another plane back to London.

“I expected a candlelit dinner, actually.” Gavin smiled, the strain in his pants becoming rather painful. But he tried to ignore it, put up with it just a little bit when he saw the way Ryan slowly leaned in again, their kiss less hastened yet all the more feverish. Gavin sighed, spoke as he locked his wrists behind Ryan’s neck, “But to be perfectly honest, I wanted to shag too.”

“Good.” Ryan growled, and the next thing Gavin knew, he was flat on his back on the bed, the tent in his crotch harder than before. When Ryan was about to take his pants off, Gavin suddenly sat up, his eyes spiked with interest.

“Let me.” Gavin smirked, edged himself on the bed and worked on Ryan’s fly.

“Somebody’s being a good boy, huh.” Ryan didn’t mean to, nor did he expect it, but there was nothing but sheer satisfaction in him upon seeing Gavin blush at the comment. Could it be? No, that would be—Well, Ryan could try again and observe. “Are you excited, Gavin? For this daddy to fuck the wits out of you, hm?”

And there it was, Gavin blushing harder than ever, fumbling clumsily as he tried to get Ryan’s pants down. He couldn’t even look up, not after realizing Ryan found out something he shouldn’t have.

Ryan did him a favor and quickly rid himself of all his clothes, towered over Gavin, who was still unable to meet his gaze. “This is getting very interesting.”

Gavin gulped, looked up finally, and when Ryan only looked at him with such patience and understanding on his face, he didn’t waste another second leaving his clothes on. He then moved towards the middle of the bed, all exposed and rock hard, waiting for Ryan to touch every inch of his skin.

“Hm.” Pleased, Ryan smirked, approached Gavin with the least caution in his gestures. He took hold of Gavin’s length, already leaking at the head, “Didn’t expect you to have a kink, Gavin.” Ryan opened his mouth, wordlessly took Gavin in him, licking and sucking at an agonizing pace.

“I—” Once again, Gavin couldn’t straighten his thoughts. Which was, to be fair, difficult when somebody like Ryan was worshiping his dick. “Ryan, please.”

It took a couple of minutes and a lot of moaning from Gavin before Ryan finally leveled with him again. In the middle of bruising Gavin’s collarbones did Ryan hum, “Well, I guess it was only logical.”

“W-what is?” The pads of Gavin’s fingers dug into Ryan’s skin, his eyes half-lidded and his erection getting unbearably painful.

“Your daddy kink.” Ryan moved up, looked at him in the eyes before kissing him briefly, “After all, you fell for someone like me. Tell me, how many times have you been turned on just by seeing me with—”

Gavin cut him off, unable to stop himself from attacking the older man’s mouth. Whether it was going to be a question of if he was turned on by the mere fact that Ryan was a father or perhaps something else, it really didn’t matter. Everything that made Ryan seem very mature and dominant was Gavin’s only concern, and he wanted to say that but he didn’t. He could save it for later. At that moment, it was more important to let Ryan grab some lube and a condom from the bedside drawer; it was more important to let Ryan coat his fingers and stick it inside his hole; it was more important to moan and tell Ryan that he was ready for more than just three fingers.

“Get on your knees, Gavin.” Ryan commanded, which Gavin obeyed instantly, his ass high and his legs spread apart. Ryan basked at the glorious sight of Gavin’s asshole, looking so inviting with the way it glistened with lube. “This is definitely worth all the fucking months I had to wait for you, Gavin.” He didn’t wait for a reaction from the other, just pushed the head of his cock inside Gavin’s tight entrance, their moans bouncing off against the walls. “Fuck, are you a virgin?”

When Gavin didn’t answer, Ryan didn’t ask again. There was no need to think about that, nobody really cared, because it was much more worth their time to revel in the sensation of how amazing it felt to be there with each other. They were both panting, only held each other close, Ryan buried all the way to the hilt. It wasn’t long until the pain in Gavin’s back transformed into something he couldn’t explain. “Ryan, please, fucking move already.”

Ryan pulled out and pushed back in, slowly letting Gavin adjust to the feeling. His hands were holding Gavin’s hips rather tightly, red marks leaving in their wake as Ryan started to pick up the pace.

“Shit,” Gavin hissed at a particular thrust. “Ryan, harder.”

And Ryan did go harder, his cock leaving and entering Gavin so quickly, his balls hitting Gavin’s at every push. There were endless profanities from both of them, and the moans were so loud they were pretty sure even Miami would be able to hear them. Gavin’s hold on the mattress tightened even more when one of Ryan’s hands started stroking his cock, beautifully in sync with the thrusts behind him.

He didn’t think it was possible but he managed to spread his legs even wider without falling flat on the bed. With a shameless amount of desperation in his tone, Gavin groaned, “Faster, fuck me faster.”

It only took a couple of seconds before Ryan panted, “F-fuck, Gavin, I’m coming. I’m—”

Gavin felt hot strings of Ryan’s load spill inside him, the hand on his cock tightening its hold, making him release right after the older man. There was a moment of pure ecstasy in the room, with only their satisfied breathing audible. It was when they were both sated and positioned beside each other that Gavin sighed, “Holy crap.”

“I told you,” Ryan said in-between breaths, “all the wait was worth it.”

Truth be told, Gavin agreed. And it wasn’t because the sex was great – to be perfectly honest, he didn’t expect to get so intimate with Ryan immediately after their talk – it was all those months of being able to get to talk to Ryan on a regular basis. To talk about petty topics, reconcile as quickly as they argue; it was how Ryan managed to make time for him and give him space at the same time, and how Ryan would never seem so desperate, simply tell him how he felt and not expect anything in return. It proved a great deal of character over the past half a year when he started babysitting for Ryan’s kids, for Ryan to admit he was attracted yet do nothing about it, because he had that much respect for his family and for Gavin’s welfare alike. For Gavin, Ryan was just the type of person to lay things on the line, accept the results as however they may be, but at the same time prove he was genuine enough to be vulnerable and show that he too, was human.

Gavin was sure he felt something strong for Ryan, something serious and amazing. It was imminent over the past couple of weeks after Eli and Beta fell asleep on Skype, Gavin knew he was going to venture towards a road he couldn’t retreat from. He knew that this was something he could never escape, that it was merely a thing he denied to entertain because it was definitely wrong, but now Gavin could look back and admit everything he’s ever blocked out – that he’s always felt that way towards Ryan. That all in all, he would decide to wait as well if needed be, if that was what it would take to lay beside a man he couldn’t even remember how he became attracted to.

But he figured, nothing was comparatively as important as the feeling of Ryan’s lips against his for the nth time that night. Gavin felt every single emotion pronounce itself in tenfold when Ryan pulled him close, gentle and careful and ever so loving. “Gavin,” Ryan rested their foreheads together, tried to say how he felt but couldn’t find the proper words to use. He opened his mouth but no sound came out. A chuckle and he simply kissed Gavin again, “I’d like to be with you. More than you could even imagine.”

Upon hearing those words, Gavin felt like every nerve in his body was on fire. He smiled against Ryan’s lips, whispered, “me too,” before melting into the embrace.

Ryan held onto him even tighter. He never wanted to let go.


End file.
